i've been feeling insecure and paranoid recently.
not about him.
but about my looks and figure.
i dont feel good about how i look.
i know C will scold me when he reads this.
he'll think that i'm nutty.
and say that i'm pretty and curvy.
but i will still feel the same.

i dont feel pretty or slim at all.
i look at girls in jeans and i envy them so much.
they have skinny legs that seemed so nice.
i look at girls with bigger boobs
and i'm like why am i not well-endowed.
i look at girls with a slim face
and i go, "damn, i wish i was her."
i look at girls with sharp noses
and i want to go for rhinoplasty.
i look at girls with skinny arms
and all i see are flabs in mine.
why am i not satisfied with myself. ARGHH!
because of this matter, i'm stressed. wtf.

i want to look good and pretty for that boy.
i really do.
but i dont feel this way right now.
i feel ugly.


/before i go to sleep,
i imagine you by my side.
i love you, C